A Splash of Pink "TechniColor Commentary"

October 3, 2016

It was the morning after Indy's surprise going away party and we had three days left of life as we knew it. Every weekday morning is the same...my alarm goes off at five, Indy up at 6:15, Mattie 6:30, hair flying, mascara wands blazing, toast eaten, out the door by 7:15. We listen to music all the way to town *loud*...and I dance. I do not know how to drive if I'm not jamming...Mattie has embraced this...Indy rolls her eyes and shakes her head but she smiles and sometimes says, "Mom, you are really cute.".

We had dropped Mattie, were making the Starbucks circuit (trenta strawberry refresher, no water for me, grande vanilla chai for Indy) when Indy looked across the truck and said, "You know you are the one who's advice made this dream come true.". 

Mine?

"Yes mom. Your's. You said, 'Never choke when it counts...It's that easy....Don't choke.'."

I half laughed, half "choked"up. 

I do say that. 

I say it to myself and I have said it at important junctures to the girls. I even said...

September 26, 2016

I sometimes wish I had not agreed to be a Warrior. I sometimes wish I were selfish and small and took what I wanted without regard. I wish I pushed my way to the front of the line and screamed things like, "that's not fair", or "it's my turn", and "Nuuh uh" the way "adults" in today's world unabashedly do. I sometimes want to be a big baby and a crybaby...

... but I can't.

...I truly hate big babies and loathe cry babies...they disgust me. I have no patience for hand wringing and self pity. Better people have faced harder things than me so I am of the "buck up buttercup" mentality that screams "SHUT THE F UP AND DO THE HARD STUFF.".

Nothing will be harder than letting Indy leave to live in California but I must. My baby bird has clipped wings in our small community so when Anaheim Ballet asked Indy to come train with them and a beautiful family opened their doors to allow that possibility I gulped...and then said OK. I've told the story before of a tiny Indiana Marin Warrior proclaiming,...

September 19, 2016

The girls and I were visiting our local farmer's market at the Santa Fe Railyard. There's an abundance of local goods including beautiful flowers, organic produce and vendors selling a variety of handmade art in various mediums. I'm a huge supporter of creative expression with enterprise. To make a living through passion and art in its many forms is enviable. Knowing people pay for your art in written word, the knowledge you have and share, from the fruits of your labor, or your artistic expression on canvas, in fashion, or any contribution of beauty (Lili and Alisha :) is an accomplishment. One booth had old teeshirts rolled in a basket. There were several we liked but one we could not leave behind. This gray cut up shirt had friends peering up with familiar eyes. A long haired HHH, pre-shaved head Batista, and another well known star I'd name, but strangely, I can't see him, were center stage with a flying Matt Hardy, and Rey Mysterio rounding out the composition. It's a bad ass tee...

August 29, 2016

I hope if I inspire anything in you Warriors it is the belief of beauty in the future. I affirm this for my girls, my friends, all you Warriors, and myself. I am in a new place after losing my husband. A happier one again. One that can open the pages of our story with enough distance and enjoy it now. The sorrow has abated greatly. The light has a new feeling of warmth.

For this reason I agreed when Steve asked me to do this Thursday's podcast. I am ready for you Warriors to ask me any questions you want answered about Warrior and our life beyond. It will be fun to chat with all of you, hear your voices, reminisce, and encourage.

I also love this new roster of talent in both NXT and WWE so I'm happy to give you behind the scenes stories from Take Over and SummerSlam!! I might even tell you what I think of Brock Lesner and share the story of Randy Orton in Rio Rancho weeks after Warrior died.

It is up to you to call in this Thursday and steer the ship!! I love the challenge of this unexpec...

August 15, 2016

My husband was the most intense man I've ever known. This intensity was his greatest propelling force and his mark of ultimate excellence. His intensity was something I was drawn to and appreciated but looking back I wish I'd made him play more.

When we met I was still at Arizona State. I was a good girl but loved to have fun! Going dancing was a favorite night out and my girlfriends and I spent many hours on the dance floor! When Warrior and I started dating he asked what I enjoyed and I told him to take me dancing. He laughed. He laughed a big, deep, throaty laugh and then said a decisive, "No.".

No? I asked... No?

"No. I don't dance.".

I launched into an entire diatribe about... well...I do dance and you will have to take me...and you can just stand there...and I'll dance around you..and...and...and...

And...

he said, "No".

We had many dates, did many things but never would he take me dancing which made me pout.  Finally I believed his "no"was firm and stopped asking. One night we were at...

August 8, 2016

We are who we are to our core. 

We can try to mask who we are, hide it, curb it, exaggerate it, deny it, shame it or embrace it, but it is the truth of our being. It is our sacred self. 

In life you should strive to be your best self more days than not.

Have you noticed there are one, maybe two people in the world with whom you are your very best self? Isn't that a piece of heaven to find? Anna and I were out for Widow Wednesday discussing just this (with our pal Don Julio) and commenting how grateful we felt to be most ourselves with the other. Anna and I are the other's license for bad behavior at times but we have a no (wo)man left behind mentality. We laugh now and play. We get silly, blow off steam and once in awhile blow up little bits of our lives (and by that I mean mine because Anna always remains unscathed)...but you know something...I wouldn't trade any of it for the world... it is how we are making ourselves whole again. I get, to some degree, why combat veterans maintai...

August 1, 2016

I was recently visiting wonderful family friends and sadly it came time to leave. I'd set my favorite boots outside the door to slip into before taking off for the airport. It was an early morning flight so I'd left kisses on the sleepy heads of my youngest friends, padded down the stairs, and stepped onto the front porch to slip into my boots. As I turned to wave a final time to our gracious hosts my unicorn friend appeared for one last hug which set tears in my eyes. I laughed and squeezed her saying I couldn't cry because I'd already put my boots on. There's no crying in my boots!

Warrior's big wrestling boots taught me this unspoken rule. Those colorful boots he'd run to the ring in are imbued with a special sort of magic! Those neon fringey boots are so incredibly inspiring for the power they held as he catapulted through life. His boots have been a metaphor in my life since he died. I started buying boots to carry me down my OWN path, my favorite being well worn, size seven, squar...

July 25, 2016

I get a lot of email asking me the secret to the twenty years I shared with Warrior. 
No real secret is it? 

Haven't you noticed how adorable I am?(😉HEE HEE). 

Seriously though, there is no secret except that we made a vow...

...and we kept it. 

I think the person you marry or choose to spend your life with is the greatest investment you make in your future. It makes sense to choose deliberately and wisely. It stands to reason if you are picking the person who is going to lay their head next to you each night you should be clear there is no better choice to be made. I'm not talking about the unrealistic bulllshit I've actually witnessed out in the real world since I lost my husband. It has blown my mind to witness the laziness in loving another person in anticipation of "something better" coming along (yes it will... for the other person you have only half heartedly loved... because frankly, you suck) (but I digress...I'm in a fiery little mood, can you tell?)...
I'm talking about...

July 18, 2016

I love flattery. I do. I'm like a magpie with shiny objects when someone says something lovely and kind. I'm the same way with good times! I love to have fun and know myself to be the girl you want at your party since I'm quick to laugh...even at my own expense and I love to be in the middle of anything on the upswing but I've learned the absolute most at my lowest moments. I learned how to be a true warrior when my life fell out from beneath me. I learned to judge who I am when my face is flat on the floor and I choose to rise regardless.

None of us enjoy the rough times. None of us like bad days and friction. Nobody is delighted to make a mistake or lose ground or hit a concrete road block going 120 MPH. Like it or not we are required to meet these challenges with a "feel the power" mindset.

It is at the worst times I have become my best so as I face some pretty tough decisions ahead I know I have the potential to grow.

When you are up against an obstacle Warriors, I encourage you to se...

July 11, 2016

I'm sitting on a plane writing this blog with Mattie's braided head against my shoulder sound asleep and Indy across the country following her dream to be a ballerina dancing nine hours a day, six days a week. I am in total contented, rest mode but I understand war. The girls and I have faced many obstacles since we lost our leader...had battles we've won and lost but thankfully, thankfully we will never lose the war.

Part of what it means to be a warrior is to accept that battles will be thrust upon you. People often feel sorry for themselves when conflict arises and ask themselves and others, "why me?". I'd ask, why not you? Life is a freaking battleground and you are a warrior. You are developing your own brand of warfare and whatever you are facing breathe easy because you are fully equipped. Life slinging arrows is never personal...it's just life, doing what it does...challenging you to grow and adapt. How you receive these often unwelcome challenges is the measure of your tenaci...

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