Warriors Keep a Vow...
I get a lot of email asking me the secret to the twenty years I shared with Warrior. No real secret is it? Haven't you noticed how adorable I am?(😉HEE HEE). Seriously though, there is no secret except that we made a vow... ...and we kept it. I think the person you marry or choose to spend your life with is the greatest investment you make in your future. It makes sense to choose deliberately and wisely. It stands to reason if you are picking the person who is going to lay their head next to you each night you should be clear there is no better choice to be made. I'm not talking about the unrealistic bulllshit I've actually witnessed out in the real world since I lost my husband. It has blown my mind to witness the laziness in loving another person in anticipation of "something better" coming along (yes it will... for the other person you have only half heartedly loved... because frankly, you suck) (but I digress...I'm in a fiery little mood, can you tell?)... I'm talking about taking the time to really search for a quality person who will meet you at the level you are and grow with you as you traverse the span of time you've been given. So often we make these important choices at such young ages and from places of weakness and loneliness. Making such life changing selections on a sand dune foundation is the recipe for disaster with all the ingredients to sell ourselves short. People are so afraid to be alone they settle for less and make one bad decision after another. Doing this guarantees we run the tractor into a ditch. Let's try not to do this as Warriors. My life with Warrior was not perfect. We fought and nagged one another plenty. He yelled, which I hated and I went quiet which drove him mad. Steve Wilton laughingly tells me Warrior would be out in his office and whisper..."I'm in the doghouse with Dana.". Why he'd whisper I haven't a clue since his office was a renovated barn way out on our property but it makes me smile imagining him doing so because my silence is legendary. When I go quiet...run. Now I wish I'd never been mad at him. I wish I could take back every petty fight and just be his partner and wife. That wish is not grantable but the hard reality is that through some of our fights we grew the most. Being so much younger than him at first was a disadvantage. Luckily that changed as I grew up with him, had big life experiences and matured. Hard times made me quick to see the bigger picture, which was always the desire for a happy home. I think men are easier to make happy in most instances than women. I think men want to feel appreciated, shown affection, and fed. LOL. Throw things at me Warrior Women but I think you could actually place what a healthy man wants under those categories pretty neatly. What we women want wouldn't fit under 72,013 categories and those wants change daily...let's just own it and move on. Men disengage. Women nag, then get lonely and check out. We stop being a team. We withdraw our love. There are so many ways we break our vows in a marriage it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high. We make it ok to walk away when things get hard. We stop working at what we promised to cherish. Why do we do that?...I don't know every reason but I would boil it down to the fact life beats us up and we get tired and we lose the fire to fight for the vow. I get this as a reason but it isn't an excuse. Unless there is abuse of any nature, infidelity, or abject neglect I think most things are fixable. It requires the willingness to work hard to keep the promise you made to a person you once upon a time couldn't live without. I know sometimes you think there's no getting past the apathy or anger but I'm almost certain there's always a way if you are motivated to do so. At least be honest with your significant other and most importantly, yourself, if you have decided you don't have it in you to carry on...at least at that point vow to do better in the future. I'm not an expert or a therapist but I did have, by most standards, a successful marriage. We loved one another deeply. We were respectful and kind most of the time and when we failed to be we were sorry and said so. I think the true testament to the fact we had a good life is I'm starting to think I could risk it all to love somebody some day... I'm starting to believe in wanting something beautiful for myself... I want the kingdom now, I suppose. I want to be queen in the eyes of my king. I want the fairy tale again... I want happily ever after, after all. I believe in that possibility down the line...I believe if I'm brave enough to even think it you should be too!! I believe you warriors should believe in the transformative power in the keeping of a vow...Always. xo❤️Dana
